Mattie's CD Mix 2 Listen To Your Heart
by SamBrace
Summary: Mac receives a mystery call which sends her into a tail-spin over her and Harm's possible relationship, but as before Mattie's CD Mix comes into play.


Title: Mattie's CD Mix 2 - Listen To Your Heart

Author: Sam Brace

Fandom: JAG

Rating: PG13

Keywords: Mac, Angst, Mac/Others (reference only), Harm/Mac (sorta kinda, you'll see).

Spoilers: Big one for 'Hail and Farewell, Part 2', slight parts from 'Four Percent Solution' (the flashback to Mac going to Hawaii to see Webb's body only to be blocked by Mrs. Webb). As well as a phrase from "FPS".

Summary: Mac receives a mystery call which sends her into a tail-spin over her and Harm's possible relationship, but as before Mattie's CD Mix comes into play.

Disclaimer: Not mine, don't belong to me, not even the song - all borrowed without permission.

Archiving: Feel free to archive - just let me know where, so I can visit with my Harm and Mac clones.

Author's notes: You will need to read Mattie's CD Mix - Listen To Your Heart for this story to make sense you can find that here http/ is the second instalment to this series. There are two more parts and then a third to follow as soon as it's been written.

Author's notes 2: A Big thank you to all of my Beta readers first of all Peggi & Faith who both beta read the first instalment and secondly to my three new beta readers :- Peggy, Karen and Marianne

Dedication: To the girls on All Things Catherine Bell, Holly, Bev & Linda who begged me to finish typing this instalment.

'It was all so simple. There was no need to hesitate or question or feel afraid. She caught his eye and held his gaze. "I think it's worth a try, too".

And with nothing left to say he took her hand and they walked slowly back to the lights of the house and the party.'

Jane Elizabeth Varley 

Wives and Lovers.

Mac's Apartment

Georgetown, Washington D.C.

0336 Zulu. 2136 Local Time 14th May 2004

Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie and Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr. were in her kitchen doing the dishes from the meal Harm had cooked them earlier. It has been two weeks since the fateful night Mac turned up at Harm's apartment after the Admiral's Dining Out.

Mac was washing the dishes whilst Harm dried and put them away.

"Harm, quit it!"

"What?" Harm said, his lips pressed against Mac's neck. He'd grown bored whilst waiting for Mac to finish scrubbing the pan she held in her hands. So he decided to alleviate his boredom by tormenting Mac by touching her without touching her.

They had grown closer the last two weeks. Tonight has been the first time they had a heavy kissing session. After the night they had spent just holding each other they'd shared a few kisses, but work had prevented them from spending time together. Now it was Friday and Harm was staying over to keep Mac company. She'd been feeling low after trying to see Clay's body in Hawaii a few day's before, only to be blocked by Portia Webb, Clay's mother.

Mac had wanted to pay her final respects to Clay so she could start moving forward with her life, the life she wants to spend with Harm.

Just then the phone rang. Grabbing a dry tea towel Mac quickly dried her hands as she made her way to the phone on the other side of the kitchen. Harm, followed just behind her. Picking up the phone Mac answered,

"Mackenzie,"

"Hello, Sarah."

Mac, almost dropped the phone upon hearing her supposedly dead boyfriend's voice. Mac let out a strangled whisper, "Clay . . . ."

"Sarah . . . . I need your help . . . . I can't say any more . . . . find me, please."

The line went dead. Mac shouted, "CLAY!"

Taking the receiver out of Mac's hand Harm, put it back into it's cradle. Taking Mac into his arms Harm, waited for Mac to tell him what was happening.

Five minutes later Mac spoke up. "Clay's alive, Harm . . . he . . . he . . . he told me . . . he wants me . . . to help him . . . I don't know what to do."

"Mac, Sarah, are you sure it's him?"

"I don't know, Harm, DAMN IT! Harm, I don't know if it was him or someone playing a sick joke."

"Look, let's go to bed, get a good night's sleep and then in the morning we'll go and see Mrs. Webb,"

"Yeah, sure, like she's going to tell me anything, Harm, especially after Monday! You'd have thought she'd have told me somehow that Webb was alive, but no, the . . . the . . . the snobby cow wouldn't even tell me when the wake was going to be! She hates me, Harm!"

"I'm sure she doesn't hate you, Mac. I'm sure she was just trying to protect Clayton like she did the last time he 'died'."

"But Harm, I was so sure he was dead for real this time, and you're wrong ─ Portia Webb does hate me."

"How do you know?"

"A few weeks ago, before Clay 'died' yet again, he'd taken me to his mother's for Sunday lunch, she hardly spoke to me and when she did . . . Harm, the things she said to me when Clay wasn't there, they were worse than those that Sadik . . . "

"Oh, Mac."

Harm hugged her tightly, his heart broke for this Marine. She'd been through so much, not only the last few years with the death of her ex- boyfriend just after they split up, but also the death of her secret husband and a failed almost marriage. 

But she'd also grown up with an alcoholic father who physically abused her mother as well verburally abusing Mac, herself. Plus, her mother left her on her 15th birthday with her alcoholic father. Mac also had the added guilt of her friend's death after a night of heavy drinking during the time Mac, herself, was an alcoholic.

"Harm, can we go to your place? I don't think I can stay here tonight,"

"Sure, no problem, Mac. Why don't you go and pack an overnight bag?"

Mac nodded her head, Harm, placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head, then let his arms fall down. Mac, stepped out of his embrace and went to her room to pack an overnight bag. Whilst Mac was packing, Harm finished washing the pans that had been forgotten about when "Webb" called.

Having finished the dishes, Harm went into the living room to wait for Mac. Just as he sat down, Mac appeared in her bedroom doorway, overnight bag in hand. Standing back up Harm said, "Come on, Marine, off we go,"

Harm and Mac, made their way down to Harm's corvette.

Harm's Corvette

En route to North of Union Station

0416 Zulu 2216 Local Time 

14th May 2004

Once they got into Harm's corvette, Mac switched the radio on, a signal that she didn't want to talk. Harm started the car and headed towards his apartment.

The DJ on the radio station, Bliss FM, said, "And that, folks, was 'The Bangles' with 'Walk Like An Egyptian.' Up now is the classic 'Roxette' song 'Listen To Your Heart'."

An electronic piano sound came from the speakers, then a powerful female voice

_I know there's something in the wake of your smile. _

_I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea. _

_You've built a love but that love falls apart. _

_Your little piece of heaven turns too dark._

Wasn't that her relationship with Clay and Mic too? Hadn't she built a love with them both only to have it all fall apart? Mic left her because she couldn't commit to him, because she wasn't IN love with him, and Webb had left her, making her believe he was dead. Just as she was beginning to lay his ghost to rest, he called her, turning her happiness with Harm to sadness.

_Listen to your heart _

_when he's calling for you. _

_Listen to your heart _

_there's nothing else you can do. _

_I don't know where you're going _

_and I don't know why, _

_but listen to your heart _

_before you tell him goodbye. _

What should she do? A part of her still loves Webb, but she's also got a bright future with Harm. He's asked her to marry him, something Clayton Webb hadn't done and there was their promise to start their family soon.

_Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile. _

_The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea. _

_They're swept away and nothing is what is seems, _

_the feeling of belonging to your dreams. _

Sometimes Mac wondered why she fought her feelings for Harm for so long. Since she'd admitted to Harm how she felt about him things had been easier between them. That is, until tonight when Clay had called asking for her help. When she had been told that he was dead she'd believed that he was dead because she had felt it. Now she didn't know what to think anymore. Her heart and her head were torn between the man who sat beside her, the only man who'd always stood by her no matter what, the one she could see a future with, and the other man she'd come to love during a difficult point in her adult life. She felt a loyalty towards him, as technically they were still dating, and yet, even when she was with Clay, she saw no future with him. As she had told him once, she wasn't going to become some desperate housewife, waiting for him when he does turn up. 

She'd always dreamed about being the mother of Harm's children, especially when they made the deal to quote - go halves on a kid – unquote. It's a possibility she'd never dreamed of, having Clayton Webb's children. She'd even once said she could never see herself surrounded by little spooks.

_Listen to your heart _

_when he's calling for you. _

_Listen to your heart _

_there's nothing else you can do. _

_I don't know where you're going _

_and I don't know why, _

_but listen to your heart _

_before you tell him goodbye._

What was Sarah Elizabeth Mackenzie's heart telling her? Should she just forget about helping Webb and just moving on with her life with Harm? Or should she go back to Webb? Or should she just say goodbye?

_And there are voices _

_that want to be heard. _

_So much to mention _

_but you can't find the words. _

_The scent of magic, _

_the beauty that's been _

_when love was wilder than the wind._

What should she do? What should she say?

_Listen to your heart _

_when he's calling for you. _

_Listen to your heart _

_there's nothing else you can do. _

_I don't know where you're going _

_and I don't know why, _

_but listen to your heart _

_before you tell him goodbye._

What was her heart telling her? What should she do?

_Listen to your heart _

_I don't know where you're going _

_and I don't know why, _

_but listen to your heart _

_before you tell him goodbye._

Maybe what she should do is listen to her heart, but the question was, what was her heart truly telling her?

Just then the song changed and a new one started. It began with a flute, then an airy female voice began singing.

_There is something that I see_

_In the way that you look at me_

_There's a smile, a truth in your eyes_

_What an unexpected way on some_

_Unexpected day could it be_

_That this is where I belong?_

Mac hit the off button for the radio, causing Harm to look over at her, which was when Mac saw the look, the look that told her she belonged with this man. Laying her head on Harm's shoulder they made the rest of the journey to Harm's apartment in silence.

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

0456 Zulu 2256 Local Time 14th May 2004

Harm unlocked the door followed closely by Mac. Once Harm shut the door he turned to Mac and said, "Why don't you go and get changed, I'll make us some cocoa with fresh milk."

Mac nodded her head in agreement. Harm kissed the top of her head, then headed to the kitchen to make their drinks whilst Mac got changed. Just as Harm finished the drinks there was a knock at the door. Harm went to the door, pulling it open to see his ward standing on the other side of the door.

"Mattie, I thought you were going to your dad's tonight."

"I did, I had dinner with him, but he's got to work this weekend, so I came back here. I knocked earlier to let you know I was back but you weren't in. I figured you were working late."

"Come in, Mattie. No, I was at Mac's ─ we had dinner together,"

Harm let Mattie in. Turning to face the bedroom, Harm saw Mac standing at the top of his stairs in one of his old Navy t-shirts that he had lent her 2 weeks ago, the morning after she spent the night here.

"Harm, who was at the door?" Mac asked. 

Mattie popped out from behind Harm's back. As soon as she saw how Mac was dressed Mattie, stammered out, "Oh . . . . uh, um, sorry I didn't mean to interrupt you guys! I'll go . . . ."

"Mattie, it's not what you think. Mac, asked to stay here tonight, something happened when we were at Mac's apartment and she didn't want to stay there so we came here,"

"I think it's great that you guys have hooked up . . ."

"Matilda Grace, it's nothing like that. Mac is my best friend and she received some unsettling news earlier, so being the friend I am, I let Mac come over and stay with me here tonight,"

"Oh," Was all Mattie could say. 

Mac spoke up asking the question she originally wanted to ask Harm before the conversation changed direction.

"Harm, did you find my PJ bottoms from when I last stayed over?"

"Yeah, they were stuffed at the bottom of the bed. I washed them for you ─ they should be in the second drawer down on the left,"

"Thanks, Harm."

With that Mac disappeared back into Harm's room. Harm turned around to face a gob smacked Mattie.

"Mattie? You okay?"

"I thought you said you and Mac weren't together."

"We're not together,"

"Then how come Mac left her pajama bottoms here and they ended up stuffed at the BOTTOM of YOUR BED!"

"Mac came over two weeks ago, the night of the Admiral's Dining Out, wanting to stay here. She'd had a surgical procedure done on her stomach earlier in the day and didn't want to be alone, so we shared my bed. Mac took her PJ bottoms off under the covers because the bandage was irritating her stomach."

"Uh huh. I'm supposed to believe that?"

"Mattie, it's true what Harm told you. He also forgot to mention that my boyfriend had died a few days before that and I found out the day before that he'd 'died', and… well, turns out he might not be as dead as we all thought him to be."

"Mac, I'm sorry. It's none of my business. I just came here to tell Harm I was home and to find a song I'd been looking for all day. I know it's on the CD I mixed and gave to Harm two weeks ago,"

"It's okay, Mattie. When Harm and I do get together we'll let you know."

"Ninja-Girl, do you want to take your cocoa to bed with you or drink it down here?"

"I'll let you change first, 'then' I'll take it to bed with me. I might get more of it that way!"

"Hey, you were the one that stole mine last time! I didn't get to drink any of it!"

"Harmon, go, and get ready for bed,"

"Yes, Mom."

With that, Harm went to his bedroom to get ready for bed. Mac went to the kitchen counter and picked up one of the cups, warming her hands on it. She sat down on one of the bar stools whilst she watched Mattie look around Harm's stereo, looking for the CD she had mentioned earlier.

Mattie noticed that the CD player was on so she hit the 'play' button, hearing some strands of music Mattie let the first verse wash over her, she loved this song

_Sorry_

_Is all that you can't say_

_Years gone by and still_

_Words don't come easily_

_Like sorry, like sorry._

Mattie pushed the 'next' button, changing the song, oblivious to the fact that THAT song was responsible for Harm and Mac becoming closer and admitting their feelings.

_Baby when I met you _

_There was peace and order_

Mattie hit the 'next' button. That wasn't the song she was looking for.

_There is something that I see_

_In the way that you look at me_

Mattie hit the 'next' button ─ that wasn't the song she was looking for but Mac remembered those lyrics from earlier, when she was in the car with Harm on their way here. A slow guitar rhythm came from the speakers then a soft male voice came across…..

_I can't be losing sleep _

_over this, no I can't _

_and now I cannot stop pacing _

_give me a few hours _

_I'll have this all sorted out _

_if my mind would just stop racing_

Mattie hit the 'next' button ─ she loved that song but it wasn't the one she wanted. She should have labeled what the songs were. Maybe she'd do that for Harm this weekend. A piano rhythm came from the stereo. Mac recognized this as the song she heard earlier. Mattie knew she had found it.

_I know there's something in the wake of your smile. _

_I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea. _

_You've built a love but that love falls apart. _

_Your little piece of heaven turns too dark._

Mattie let herself out of Harm's apartment knowing, or at least hoping, to help nudge Mac and Harm into listening to their hearts and realizing that they love each other. 

Unbeknown to Mattie, Harm and Max had already come to realize this fact. They were just unsure how to act.

Mac, in a trance like state, picked up Harm's cocoa, hit the off button on the stereo and headed to bed to sleep with the man she loves. She handed Harm his cocoa, then placed her cup on the night stand, slipping under the covers, nestling into Harm's side.

"Harm?"

"Yes?"

"What should I do about Clay?"

"You're the only one who can answer that one Mac. All I can say is listen to your heart."

"My heart's telling me to help Clay so that we can move on together. Harm, it's you that I'm in love with, not Clayton Webb." 

"I love you too, Mac. I hope you know that,"

"I do, Harm. I also realize that this is where I belong,"

"I'm glad you here with me, Mac . . . . Mac?"

Harm looked down and saw that Mac had fallen asleep.

The End

Is Webb really alive? What is Mac going to do? And how does Mattie's CD Mix help this time.


End file.
